You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
