I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
