We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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