I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
