i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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