i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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