That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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