Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize