I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
