I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
