He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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