Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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