So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
