I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
