Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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