Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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