i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
