Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
