Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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