She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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