You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
