is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
