I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So many bounce houses so little time
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
