I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
