I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
