Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
