I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
