I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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