Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
