Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
