I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
