Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
