hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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