Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
