I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
