i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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