glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize