I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
