Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
