Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
