I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
