is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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