hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
