Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
