He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think i have two assholes
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
