Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize