If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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