so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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