You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
