god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
