dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
