so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
