I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
