Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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