I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
