don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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