Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
