we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
