Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize