The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize