would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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