Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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