Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
