a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
this beer tastes like vomit already
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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